I started gaining weight at the age of 8- we moved to a new house and I had to change schools and leave all my friends. The kids at the new school made fun of my hair and a boy lifted up my dress at lunch. My parents had been divorced since I was 3 and my dad didn't really bother with me. My mom worked all the time and my grandmothers took care of me. I sat around and ate while watching movies all day. I ate when I was hungry and I ate when I wasn't. By the time I reached grade 8- I weighed 220 pounds and I was 6 feet tall- my mother was buying me herbal diet pills and constantly told me how fat I was and that I needed to do something. My grandmothers said I was "pleasantly plump" and that it was "baby fat"- that made people laugh so hard. I was filled with delusions- my mother was so happy when I started menstruating at 13, because she thought that I was too fat to get a period. At 16 I decided that I was sick of being fat and sick of people making fun of me. I stopped eating and took an interest in gym class. I exercised at least 6 hours a day- lifting weights and doing cardio- then I would walk until my knees felt as though they would buckle. I ate one meal a day- the meal my mother made and would sometimes eat an apple before going to the gym. the rest of the time I slept because I was so exhausted. I played soccer and smoked pot and cigarettes to keep from thinking about food. I didn't eat breakfast because if I did, I would just be hungry again- I didn't get hungry when I didn't eat. I fainted in class a couple of times and the nurses made me eat. I had also started cutting and they were concerned I was being abused. I was a great talker and of course because I was fat- an eating disorder was ruled out. By graduation I was down to 169 pounds- then my kidneys started to get inflamed. I realized (thankfully before it was too late) that I couldn't afford to be any slimmer than I was. My hip bones were starting to jut and my collar bones already did. As she was making my grad skirt my mother still told me that I was fat and that I had no hips and that I had no waist. If I tried to get into that skirt today, it would be a huge ordeal. I'm almost 26 and I have yo-yo'd with my weight since about a year or 2 after high school. I got fat again, then I got thin again, then I got pregnant and got very big with a 10 pound baby inside me- I am thankful for my husband for giving me a new found love of good food. I am now on a low carb diet to lose weight. I have banished sugar and starch and I don't eat fruit(for the timebeing). I am not hungry because protein keeps me satiated- but I have to force myself to eat or I'll get sick. The point of my sotry is that no-one ever considers the fat girl to have an eating disorder- she's just fat. starving is starving whether it's noticed or not. I was so cool all of a sudden, once I was thin. I still have a horrible body image, I still wish I was thin- I will be again one day...but I will be healthy, because I have to eat to live. Eating disorder education is important. Reading about anorexia helped me realize that I was anorexic- fat or not- I starved myself thin. This information is not here to hurt- it's here to help. If you decide to hurt yourself, based on what you read- that is all up to you. All I can say is that you have to want to live in order to beat anorexia before it takes a complete hold of you. I'm lucky- although I hate the sight of my fat, I know that it came again out of nourishing my baby- that is so worth it to me.
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I have been anorexic for almost 2 years now and on the web they give you 'traits' of an anorexic, but that can also work as tips for how to BECOME anorexic. I think that we should have more help available for people who do have an eating disorder. Its a very sad thing that can kill you in the end.
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